Beard Tales

'Gillette' is nothing but an aberration because men were always supposed to be stubbled and breaded!!!

15 days back as I stood in front of the mirror still groggy eyed and not yet ready to take on the world,I resolved for the 1245678955th time in my life that at worst every weekend, yes every weekend I will shave my stubble and there will be a Monday in my corporate life when I will report to duty clean shaven.

A lot of water has flown under the bridge since then(I have masterfully translated this one I think!!) or should I say a lot of hair has grown on my face since then and yet I think come tomorrow I will again resolve the same for the 1245678956th time, knowing fully well that nothing is going to change.

Watching my dad each and every day since I remember turning up religiously in front of his shaving mirror hanging right over the wash basin with his shaving soap and safety razor, I always looked forward to the day when I would emulate him atleast at this. So when the first signs of facial hair showed up I was almost ecstatic and right away wanted my very own shaving kit.

Sooner than later the novelty wore off and it quickly became an overhead. I remember questioning my dad not so long ago about what really drives him each day to get that shave done and he just looked at me amusingly with a "What you talking about Willis!!!??" look. He was so used to this ritual that it was a non issue for him. But that is not the case with me. I have an issue a really big issue with all this.

I have never been one for a routine or a schedule. I mean by the time the week ends I have to even drag myself to brush my teeth so you can imagine what a daily or even a weekly shave will do to me. When you add work stress to this mixture what you get is a cranky bearded me who typically has a stale breathe of overnight dal and rice with a hint of bud.

The question after two weeks is not whether I should shave off the stubble, I mean ofcourse I have to, what with folks at work giving me that 'ohh that wasted guy!!!' look and the managers already thinking what impression this might have on the client but how should I do it with minimal effort. The bare minimum 'use n throw' Gillette Presto is really not upto the task I am sure. So the thought which has just struck me is that maybe a new trimmer can help me.

However now that I have spent quite sometime with my beard, I have started to feel a certain affinity towards it. A type of the 'Stockholm Syndrome' if you may, almost like my beard has me hostage. Not the first time this beard has been playing tricks on my mind, but just for the heck of it I think I will let the beard win this time around.

This is me as seen today morning :)

The BackSeat Boys

In a month's time I will complete a year here. In the 11 months I have spent here till now, I could not manage even to get myself a driver's permit. It was not a lack of opportunity but a lack of necessity and to some extent my foolishness. Lack of necessity for my roommates/flatmates already had cars and were always at my beck and call and foolishness because a couple of months back I did try attempting the online knowledge test which is a precursor to the actual road test and I failed to clear it. As things stand, I was the only guy in quite sometime in my group to flunk that test. Ohh the shame!!!! Well now I am over it but I have not still planned for that retest as this time I want to make it good...

The sum total of the blabbering above is that I have spent not a single waking moment of my life here behind the wheel in the car. My existence has largely being confined to the backseat and over time I have realized that this is a sign from God, that maybe the universe is conspiring for maybe I am not meant to drive but be driven around *grinning widely as I think of it*

Image courtesy : http://davidpark.wordpress.com/

Just the other day a friend sold off his car and was thrown from behind the wheel up my alley - the backseat. He was obviously feeling a bit out of sorts, so I decided to put his mind at ease and started extolling the virtues of being on the backseat:

1) You don't ever have to be on your toes. You can sit back, relax and do whatever you want without worrying where exactly that next exit is or why the cop car is following us. Its the driver's headache.

2) Now that you have all the time in the world, you can either act stupid, or act cool. Its your choice, simple.

3) You can crane your neck whichever way you want to get a glimpse at the driver of the trailer which is just passing you.

4) If virtue 3 is too taxing, maybe you can day-dream as to how the trailer will transform itself into Optimus Prime and call you Sam Witwicky!!

5) You can gaze at the other cooler cars - the Cadillacs, Bentleys or the roof down convertibles passing by on the freeway.

6) You can just gaze at the greenery or wilderness on both sides of the road and if you are lucky, you can even spot a deer or two.

7) You can down the arm-rest and practically lean on it and feel even more relaxed.

8) You can easily enjoy your coffee which you just picked from the Dunkin Drive Thru without caring that what if you have brake suddenly while sipping the coffee as the driver always thinks about when he is stealing a sip of his coffee.

9) You can tweet about things passing by and also catch up on other social media, that way you never feel disconnected.

10) You don't really have to bother about the insurance, fuel and ofcourse the maintenance of the car.

10 virtues were good enough to label the back-seat as a make-shift 'lounge'. Actually by virtue number 6 I knew that my friend was seeing the light but I had to make it 10 just so that we fist-bump to a loud cheer of 'BackSeat Boys' which did unsettle our driver-friend I must say!!!

But then the BackSeat Boys don't really care...do they???

"Just checking out the Restrooms!!!"

Beer commercials are cool.

The one commercial which is my current favorite for the past 5-6 months is the Miller Lite 'Unmanly' commercial. See it below:

For ages I have observed ladies ask each other for company to the restroom. First I thought it would be some security thing but slowly I have realized that the ladies' restroom must be the best place to gossip. Well I am only taking a guess here, for I have no clue what goes in there. Its a different issue that there was a time during my growing up when I wondered if the ladies restroom was same as the men, but then I was just a kid then so lets discount that.

To spice up our mundane office existence more so at the client location, me and a friend of mine (of course a guy) decided to give this "bro, you joining me for a pee" thing a try. Each time any one of us had the urge to go, we did a quick, "Hey, lets do the unmanly thing..." and off we were (ofcourse we werent holding hands and all) to the restroom. It sure was hilarious, I mean saying the "Hey, lets do the unmanly thing.." part

The office has 2 floors. The first floor is occupied by us - 'contractors' and the second floor by - 'clients'. Preferential treatment you would say but well it doesn't really matter, I mean that's not the point. Each floor has its own restrooms. So one fine day as me and my friend were making our way to do our usual 'unmanly' business on the 'contractor' floor restroom, I got this brilliant idea of taking the show to the 'client' floor restroom. Like enthusiastic kids on a treasure hunt, we set out towards our destination. We hadn't really planned this well and we came to know that sooner rather than later

We climbed the steps up and just near the 'client' restroom there is a small sitting area which we completely missed. Sitting there was one of our lady clients who knew both of us well. Just for the sake of asking, she popped the question, "And what are you two gentleman doing up here??" ofcourse with a wide smile.

We weren't ready for this turn of events. Frankly speaking I was completely unaware because atleast I was thinking of the Miller Lite commercial. Even before I could formulate a coherent response to the question, my esteemed friend, unfazed and with utmost enthusiasm announced, "Nothing much, just checking out the restrooms!!!!"

'Just checking out the restrooms!!', what did he mean by 'just checking out the restrooms!' I looked at him, he looked at me and then both of us looked at her.

I wouldn't be able to express the look which I saw on her face. We hurried about our business and returned back to our desks.

That was the last time we ever thought of doing the 'Un-manly" thing again :P

Dates : A test of memory

I cannot plan ahead. That is one thing I have realized fairly late in my life and it is this limitation of mine which makes me absolutely unable to play cards and ofcourse makes me lame at chess. I even sucked at Age of Empires for a long time until I finally gave up. In Counter-Strike it was more of a team game and invariably I was the 'shock and die' guy running haywire with the lightest of guns, because I just couldn't be the planner who hung back with a sniper and waited for the right time. All I did was 'fire in the hole' and lost life because I myself didn't run away.

Why do I say this especially when the title of the post is 'Dates'. The reason is simple, 'dates' are a guys future. By 'dates' I mean both -  the living, opposite sex types and the ones which make up the calendar. Over the years I have come to believe that your future depends more on the 'dates' which make up your calendar than the 'dates' which are from the opposite sex. Well think about it, you tried your level best and did impress your 'date' on a particular 'date', but then when you forget that 'date' say after 6 months there is a very good chance your 'date' can walk away.

'Dates' can also be a very good ice breaker. Maybe you can offer to treat your would be 'date' on her birthday which ofcourse you got to know from her very close friend but one year down the line you forget to wish her on that same 'date' then my friend you have had it.

I admire parents in this regard. They never get affected or pissed if their child forgets to wish them on their birthday or even on their marriage anniversary. I even admire my elder sister for her tolerance. Well she does make up for it via RakhaBhandan and what not...you get the drift I presume. I also admire my friends (the guys) who really don't bother until and unless they know from where their next beer is coming.

Then you have some who want to test your memory and will not disclose their birth dates on the social media and will expect you to wish them a long life. I really don't understand the point in this. You think that people believe that you are still a 19 year old lad as your display pic predicts just because you haven't updated your birthdate on your profile.

Come to think of it more than birth dates I would like to remember dates which I consider to be milestones in my life (call me selfish if you want): 

1) The day I got my std X result

2) The day I first set foot in my engg collg

3) The day I wrote my last exam in that same engg collg

4) My first day at my first job

5) The day I set foot on foreign land for the first time

Well as I signoff I must also confess that there are certain birth-dates which are imprinted on my memory which I cannot erase even if I want to..maybe it is the memories than the dates.