The W/C (Water Closet)

English is not my mother tongue. Whatever little knowledge of English I have has been courtesy to my convent schooling and my hobby of reading novels but there are certain words or terms of the English language which I came to know pretty late in my life (by my standards. After all I was good at English in my school and was always a couple of exercises ahead in my Wren & Martin compared to my peers at school) and the "Water Closet" was one such term

I think I must have been in Std VI when I happened to pore over the plan of a bungalow which my friend's dad was constructing. So on the paper I was looking at rectangles marked as living room, dining room a small square marked as bathroom and there in a corner of that square was written W/C. "Hey Aditya, what is that W/C?" I asked immediately. "Kya Advait, tujhe itna bhi nahi malum" said my friend. It's a water closet. "Ohh yes yes!!!" is what I replied nodding my head. I didn't understand it completely then but I didn't want my friend to know it after all even he came to know ,what W/C stands for when he overheard his dad talking about the plan to one of his friends. The next six months I was imagining what a W/C would be like. Must be some closet I had gathered that much, I mean I was never devoid of logic you see. But a closet for what? Water??? That would be strange. I mean why would people store water in a closet? Is it not better stored in a tank or better still in bottles which are kept in a refrigerator?

I had to wait for 6 whole months in which time I passed a semester in school without knowing fully what exactly a W/C looked like. Now the bungalow was ready and as I was being lead through the living room to the master bedroom I tried to recollect where exactly on that paper W/C was written. I tentatively put the question across, " Hmm, Aditya where is the W/C exactly located.". "Ohh sorry I missed that." replied my friend. He turned around and flung open the door. "There is the W/C" he said. "Ohh wow!!!" I replied. That was not the most appropriate reply I know but I didn't know how to react that was the first time I was seeing the W/C J J J. "We went for the Indian style only, its cheaper na" added my friend. (Remember: We are talking about a middle class family in Nashik in the year 1996 building a bungalow out of the savings of a father who had got a pay hike a year back). "Ohh that's OK yaar, even this looks good." I said in a tone that according to me was to placate my friend. "Go ahead you can use it. No problems" he said almost pushing me inside. "Arre nahi. I was just curious" I said. Thank God he didn't force me into it or it would have been even more embarrassing.

So now I knew what a W/C meant. But somehow the Indian style W/C did not fully satisfy my logic of a closet. A closet according to me should have a door which should open and close and that the Indian style W/C does not have. The puzzle was still not entirely solved. But my thirst to get to the bottom of the ultimate W/C was to be quenched very soon.

Two months later I was busily gulping down one bowl of "aam ras" after another at a reception in a 3-Star hotel. I was dressed in my favorite jeans which was a bit bigger and longer for me. (those were the days when clothes for me were purchased keeping an eye on the future. After all I was a Complan boy;)) and my new t-shirt.

"Advait, I think that will be enough. Jar shee lagli tar mala sangu nakos"

(English translation: Advait, I think that will be enough what if you feel like crapping) said my elder sister.

"Kahi nahi honar, aaj me karun aalo ahe ghari aadhi" said I pompously.

(English translation: Don't worry nothing will happen, I have already don't that at home before coming here.)

With bowl number 6.5, my stomach missed a beat and I turned to my didi. Its amazing how the colour or even the size of the face changes when your tummy misfires. She gave me one look and instead of asking me what happened she started laughing.

"Me sangitle hote tula. Ata kay karnar??, Hehehehe".

(English translation: I had warned you before. Now tell me what you are going to do?)

I was not going to even open my mouth lest some air escapes causing a catastrophic which would scar me emotionally forever. She understood that the danger was grave and looking at my condition she decided not to waste time in referring my case to higher authorities (read my parents). I still owe her for that ;)

She quickly shepherded me to the nearby restroom and assured me that she would wait for me outside. I needed that physiological backing, it was my first time in a public place for a crap.

Inside to the left were the stalls. They were of no use I knew. It was behind the doors which lay to my right that my destiny was hidden. I opened the first door and what I saw inside was alien. How do I squat on this?

"Why does God have to test my mental ability and logical reasoning at such a critical juncture!!!!" I cursed under my breath.

Without a moment of indecision I decided that I would not squat on this. I decided instead to sit on it!!! The moment I sat, I knew that this was meant to be that I had won!!!!!

As I stood up feeling relieved and serene the lid caught my eye. I put it down and the alien thing on which I sat closed. At that moment I knew that this was the closet I was looking for. The W/C (Water Closet) had finally revealed itself to me. When I came out of the hotel restroom, I saw my sister waiting for me. I just glanced at her and with an air of "I know everything now" I proceeded to the lawn to join the others J

The Jersey

Right from the time I woke up I knew that this Friday morning was to be different than any of the Friday mornings I had experienced before. Now as I was standing in front of the mirror I couldn't help but feel proud that finally I had bought it. No doubt it was expensive but then it was what I always wanted to own. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath I slipped into it and then I opened my eyes slowly to look at my reflection in the mirror.

The logo was the first thing which caught my eye together with the characteristic Nike SWOOSH. I ran my fingers over the logo and took in the name of the sponsor printed in white at the middle of the jersey and then under my breath I whispered, "Go Gunners Go!!!"

Yes it was the Arsenal jersey which I was wearing and yes this is the 4^th season that my team has gone without any silverware L I have every reason to be disillusioned that may be some where my manager has trusted the young guns too much. Maybe consistency is a virtue of an experienced few. But, I can't let go of Arsenal just like that. Maybe the next season will see our fortunes reverse, maybe next season we will land a trophy and if everything goes right then we might even be crowned the champions of Europe. There was a saying which I read once and it goes something like, "When you win wear your jersey with pride. When you lose wear your jersey with pride" and it is this pride in me which makes me hope that there will be a better tomorrow.

It must have been a good 8 years or so since I started following the English Premier League. Its been the last 3 years when I have been closely monitoring the progress. But then now when I rewind to the days when it all started I think, "Why was it Arsenal?".

I had just got FIFA2000 from my school friend installed on my computer in the year 2002. I know I was not exactly with the times at that time J. What could I do, we got a desktop at home only in 2002 after my Std XII exam so that I would not be distracted. Anyways coming back to the question, "Why was it Arsenal?". Playing FIFA2000 for the very first time, Arsenal was the team I selected to play only because the teams were listed out in alphabetical order. So playing with or for Arsenal on my computer I got accustomed to Bergkamp, Parlour, Henry, Viera, Seaman, Pires. Then I made it a point to look out for the Arsenal games in EPL and used to watch them. All of a sudden I got hooked to the real life Henry's, Bergkamp's, Seaman's et la. Then after watching a few games I came to know that the manager of the team was one Arsene Wenger.

Arsenal and Arsene, the two names were so similar that my amateur brain drew a conclusion that Arsene was the owner or better still a founder of the club. I sure had a desktop in 2002 but no internet and I never doubted my conviction so the question of googling this up never ever crossed my mind.

The beautiful game which Arsenal played both on the field in the EPL and in my computer (with loads of help from me) made me an instance fan of the team and one another thing contributing to my following was that this was the time of the Arsenal Invincibles J J J Arsenal was giving Manchester United a run for its money, Liverpool was making waves in Europe but not in England. Chealsea was there and there about. It was Gunners everywhere.

But the dream was too good to go on. Pires left and so did Viera. Seaman retired and I felt disheartened. Henry was still there to pull us was what I felt. The Champions League final against Barcelona in 2006 was the high-point where we were beaten and after that it has been a free fall of sorts for the Gunners (according to me). Moving into Emirates was a matter of pride, but it depleted our resources (not to mention that Henry moved on to Barcelona) and for me that was a major reason which limited Arsene to go for established names. He chose to sign unknowns developing them and hoping that they click. But the young guns have left me gasping. I agree with Arsene when he says that this young team went 21 games unbeaten in the EPL, finished among the top 4 teams in Europe, what more do you expect?

But the only thing I expect is consistency. Somehow when I watched Arsenal playing even a 2 goal lead made me shaky that the opposition would come back and either level or win this. And when we were a goal down I was never confident that we would make a comeback. I felt that I was watching the Indian Cricket team of the mid 90s. Not sure of what it possessed and how to go about things? L

It is fine if in the next season we don't win trophies but I want the team to be up there rubbing shoulders with the winners, looking them in the eyes and not wither away into oblivion.

When I paid for the Arsenal jersey which I now proudly wear whatever the circumstances, a thought crossed my mind. If I am buying this Arsenal jersey for myself, then I pray that Arsene buys us a couple of established, experienced names and changes our fortunes next season. Because in Arsene I still trust.

But isn't his contract with the club only till 2011, were there not rumors of him been pursued by Real Madrid this season. That eventuality will dawn upon all the Arsenal fans when Arsene will move on and some other manager will take his place, but I am sure that he would not leave us without atleast one European Crown. Arsene should leave Arsenal only after winning the Champions League.

Today when I get back home, I am going to take off my jersey and keep it safely only to be taken out when the next season begins. I pray that things will be different then.

Go GUNNERS Go

The Obituary

The newspaper comes to my doorstep everyday,
I also spend time in reading it each way.
But yet sometimes I try to make more sense,
And to wear a minute lens.

Off all the sections in the daily rag,
Which are the pages read by a very few ragtag?
Is it Business, Classifieds even some publicity gag,
Or is it something even more scant?

And then my eyes rested on one,
I have found it, it was right there with another one.
Two young passport sized photos stared at me;
Why they were there was for everybody to see.

One met with an accident and was only 24
Until I turned to the other my eyes became sore
These days I open first that page of the daily,
Close my eyes tight and ask what was their folly?

**just happened to come across a couple of obituaries of young people, accidental deaths. This poem is what came out. Really the obituary section is something which I think would never be looked at in a newspaper, but then when you do glance at it by chance and see somebody young lose his/her life in an accident you cannot wait but ponder as to what exactly would have been there folly?

FUCK the SUN!!! - A tribute to Sanman a.k.a Sunny

The mercury is giving no signs of going down. With the maximum day temperatures in Pune touching around 44 deg Celsius, this summer is sure sucking the life out of the city. Its hell being on the road in the afternoons with the hot breeze pinning you down. A multitude of stalls selling Neera, limbu pani and the likes have come up on the roadside no doubt but the heat is killing nonetheless.

"Yaar par tujhe kya problem hoga heat ka. Tu toh software main hai na. Full AC office main baitha hoga" this is what even you will think. But don’t forget these are difficult times we live in. Software companies are vying with each other to be innovative in coming up with ways of cost cutting. So one company takes out the toilet papers from its restrooms the other does the unthinkable, they regulate the AC’s and it so happens that the floor on which I am seated gets the cold shoulder and not the cold air.

So software or no software….the fucking heat is everywhere (pardon me the expletives, but its damn irritating, who kya hai India main spring naam ka season nahi hota na ;) ). So how do you beat the heat. I have a cosmic way of doing it (I have learnt it from Sunny) and I have put it in the blog so that it helps a wider audience. Also this is my way of paying tribute to Sunny, one of my dear friends.

In the first year of engg I shared a room with Sunny. This dude had a major issue with the heat. Well back then the mercury level was not that high, but then we were living in the COEP hostels which were to some extent devoid of decent ventilation and may I add working ceiling fans too. Plus we did not have vehicles so in the heat we had to walk down to the college too. And all this did take a toll on poor old Sunny. He became cranky and edgy and then in a moment of creative glory, while he was applying some prickly heat powder to his underarms he gave out a cry, “FUCK THE SUN!!!!”

I don’t know how, but the moment the exclamation was made a cool breeze made its way through the windows. There was a sort of calmness which descended over Sunny’s face as if after the mantra had been said, no heat, no sun could make him sweat!!!!


And so the remaining summer went with the invocation of this mantra whenever necessary and the heat could do us no harm!!!

The other day in the afternoon when I was enjoying a cold glass of sugarcane juice this mantra came back to me (after 6 years). How foolish I was; I always had the wisdom to counter the heat but I was ignorant. I closed my eyes, concentrated a bit and there came Sunny in front of my eyes, dressed only in his boxers applying that prickly heat powder to his underarms. He looked at me and then he shouted “FUCK THE SUN!!!”

That cool breeze I experienced when the first time he had uttered the mantra came back to put me at ease. I gulped the remaining juice paid the money and looking up at the sky shouted "FUCK THE SUN. This is for you SUNNY!!!! "

Sunny is not in India these days, maybe the heat doesn’t bother him much there in the U S of A but he very selflessly has given us all a mantra to survive this global warming. As they say “Its All in the MIND!!!”