The W/C (Water Closet)

English is not my mother tongue. Whatever little knowledge of English I have has been courtesy to my convent schooling and my hobby of reading novels but there are certain words or terms of the English language which I came to know pretty late in my life (by my standards. After all I was good at English in my school and was always a couple of exercises ahead in my Wren & Martin compared to my peers at school) and the "Water Closet" was one such term

I think I must have been in Std VI when I happened to pore over the plan of a bungalow which my friend's dad was constructing. So on the paper I was looking at rectangles marked as living room, dining room a small square marked as bathroom and there in a corner of that square was written W/C. "Hey Aditya, what is that W/C?" I asked immediately. "Kya Advait, tujhe itna bhi nahi malum" said my friend. It's a water closet. "Ohh yes yes!!!" is what I replied nodding my head. I didn't understand it completely then but I didn't want my friend to know it after all even he came to know ,what W/C stands for when he overheard his dad talking about the plan to one of his friends. The next six months I was imagining what a W/C would be like. Must be some closet I had gathered that much, I mean I was never devoid of logic you see. But a closet for what? Water??? That would be strange. I mean why would people store water in a closet? Is it not better stored in a tank or better still in bottles which are kept in a refrigerator?

I had to wait for 6 whole months in which time I passed a semester in school without knowing fully what exactly a W/C looked like. Now the bungalow was ready and as I was being lead through the living room to the master bedroom I tried to recollect where exactly on that paper W/C was written. I tentatively put the question across, " Hmm, Aditya where is the W/C exactly located.". "Ohh sorry I missed that." replied my friend. He turned around and flung open the door. "There is the W/C" he said. "Ohh wow!!!" I replied. That was not the most appropriate reply I know but I didn't know how to react that was the first time I was seeing the W/C J J J. "We went for the Indian style only, its cheaper na" added my friend. (Remember: We are talking about a middle class family in Nashik in the year 1996 building a bungalow out of the savings of a father who had got a pay hike a year back). "Ohh that's OK yaar, even this looks good." I said in a tone that according to me was to placate my friend. "Go ahead you can use it. No problems" he said almost pushing me inside. "Arre nahi. I was just curious" I said. Thank God he didn't force me into it or it would have been even more embarrassing.

So now I knew what a W/C meant. But somehow the Indian style W/C did not fully satisfy my logic of a closet. A closet according to me should have a door which should open and close and that the Indian style W/C does not have. The puzzle was still not entirely solved. But my thirst to get to the bottom of the ultimate W/C was to be quenched very soon.

Two months later I was busily gulping down one bowl of "aam ras" after another at a reception in a 3-Star hotel. I was dressed in my favorite jeans which was a bit bigger and longer for me. (those were the days when clothes for me were purchased keeping an eye on the future. After all I was a Complan boy;)) and my new t-shirt.

"Advait, I think that will be enough. Jar shee lagli tar mala sangu nakos"

(English translation: Advait, I think that will be enough what if you feel like crapping) said my elder sister.

"Kahi nahi honar, aaj me karun aalo ahe ghari aadhi" said I pompously.

(English translation: Don't worry nothing will happen, I have already don't that at home before coming here.)

With bowl number 6.5, my stomach missed a beat and I turned to my didi. Its amazing how the colour or even the size of the face changes when your tummy misfires. She gave me one look and instead of asking me what happened she started laughing.

"Me sangitle hote tula. Ata kay karnar??, Hehehehe".

(English translation: I had warned you before. Now tell me what you are going to do?)

I was not going to even open my mouth lest some air escapes causing a catastrophic which would scar me emotionally forever. She understood that the danger was grave and looking at my condition she decided not to waste time in referring my case to higher authorities (read my parents). I still owe her for that ;)

She quickly shepherded me to the nearby restroom and assured me that she would wait for me outside. I needed that physiological backing, it was my first time in a public place for a crap.

Inside to the left were the stalls. They were of no use I knew. It was behind the doors which lay to my right that my destiny was hidden. I opened the first door and what I saw inside was alien. How do I squat on this?

"Why does God have to test my mental ability and logical reasoning at such a critical juncture!!!!" I cursed under my breath.

Without a moment of indecision I decided that I would not squat on this. I decided instead to sit on it!!! The moment I sat, I knew that this was meant to be that I had won!!!!!

As I stood up feeling relieved and serene the lid caught my eye. I put it down and the alien thing on which I sat closed. At that moment I knew that this was the closet I was looking for. The W/C (Water Closet) had finally revealed itself to me. When I came out of the hotel restroom, I saw my sister waiting for me. I just glanced at her and with an air of "I know everything now" I proceeded to the lawn to join the others J