My Name is Borate (MNIB)

(Before you begin even reading this blog, I would like to make one thing very clear. Even in my most demented states I do not mean to hurt the sentiments or emotions or even self respect of those who suffer from Autism and also of those victims who were caught in the crossfire of 9/11. This blog is just for fun and I pray that you take it in that and that sense only. Also I think you will enjoy this piece a bit more if you have been brave enough to watch the SRK starrer movie from which the title of the blog is inspired...)

My name is Borate, Advait Borate!!! Bo..Bo from the appendicitis!!! I am not like everyone else, I am a bit different. I cannot express my emotions like the way normal humans do. I cannot form tears in my eyes neither can I laugh out loud with happiness. But there are certain emotions which I can very well understand but again cannot portray. Those are frustration and irritation. Again I cannot distinguish between the two, but often I use them interchangeably and doing this itself gives me a lot of satisfaction. Satisfaction….is another feeling which I can express only with the written word and not with the facial expressions which other humans manage to make up.

A few years ago an enlightened soul told me that there are only 2 types of humans on this planet. One who code and others who don’t!! I code and I code bug-free!!! 

There are two things which I am afraid off in this world, one is the lottery and second is the fear of not even been eligible ever for the lottery. But that apart, I am pretty normal. I am Borate, Advait Borate!!!

I am dedicated, committed to the cause of making that bug-free code. Infact my wife says that…. Yes I have a wife too. She is more like the other humans, one who can show emotions. But I sometimes feel that even she cannot portray all her emotions as lately all I have seen her do is scream and throw tantrums which only a 26 year old lady can do. Oh no…I don’t like that..no…no..no…I don’t want to waste time talking about how I got my wife. Hey that sounds funny….he..he..he.heeee..

So the fact of the matter was..was..that on one of my project’s deadline day, something went kaput and the code which I had coded, was detected with a bug. The tester reported this to me. I said…no..no..this cant be…lair..lair..your bum on fire…It was already 8pm and I was ready to leave for home. But now I couldn’t go home. I had to fix the bug and deliver the code. And ohh yes yes….I forgot to write that it was my first marriage anniversary too.hehe…eeehhehe…I was all excited but my mind couldn’t help it. I had to be committed to the cause of bug free coding. So I began my analysis.

Around 9pm, I got a call from my wife, I ignored it. She again called after 5 mins. I got irritated…yes…it was irritation for sure and switched off the cell.

At 11:55pm I entered my house, it was dark in the living room. I could hear mild sobs from the bedroom. I knew she was crying. Even I was ashamed. But ashamed was an emotion I could not show her on my face. With a straight face I went to her and forced her head on my chest, patting it in a not so soft manner saying, “Mera raja beta hai na..mera raja beta!!!!” that was the spark she was waiting for and she exploded:

She:Raja beta…raja beta my foot!!! Its because of you my life is ruined. I didn’t say anything when you forgot my birthday last week, but today you have crossed the limit. You forgot our marriage anniversary and that too our very first anniversary!!! And on top of that you switched off your cell so that I wouldn’t disturb you!!! Tell me with all this what have you got….huh…tell me Borate….Bo…Bo from the appendicitis shit…tell me!!! Or even today you were in the mood of beating your personal best time of 13hours 23minutes in office..huh???….”

Me: No..no..dont get angry..No..please don’t.

She: What don’t get angry. And stop repeating those words it really irks me I tell you….. it was my mistake that I blindly fell for the software tag. Bloody I never asked you about your relative performance. Even my mom was blind. It was her job to do a background check on you…and your parents claimed that in the next 5 months their son will fly. His visa will be done in no time and your daughter will be having a great time state-side. Great time my foot….You know what…why don’t you just go away and leave me. Just go….

Me: Go??, where…where??

She: Where?? Anywhere….how do I care. Just go

Me: But but…when shall I return…

She: Return…return you say!!!! Why don’t you return after you tell everybody in the office that “My name is Advait Borate and I am not CRR #” no no better still, why don’t you go to the person who holds the most powerful seat in your organization and tell him that “My name is Advait Borate and I am not CRR #

I write this as my flight to Bangalore has got delayed…I can’t wait anymore I will have to take the bus!!!!

And yes a while back I met a guy at the terminal who said that he had just completed his engineering and he gave me a message. Now what was that message….yes…got it….he says, “Hire me…might even work for free; all I need is a gym and a swimming pool!!!”